I think it would be fair to say that the past few months I have been utterly miserable. It’s never nice when someone says that is it? But sadly for me it is unfortunately true. The good news is though, that I’ve known this whole time why I’m miserable, and the even better news is that things are finally starting to look up!
Let’s start with the why first. Well there are multiple reasons actually, but the biggest contributor is not having my own house. If you’re a regular reader you’ll know that I’m moving house. I sold my old house way back in November but my new house is a new build and so wouldn’t initially be ready until sometime between April and June. So I moved back in with my mum for a few months whilst I waited for my new house to be finished. I’ve since found out that May is the month in which it’ll be ready, I’m just now waiting for an actual moving in date!
The thing I’ve found very tough over the past few months is not having my own space and my own house to run. My mum is very good to have me live back with her, but the fact of the matter is, the house isn’t mine and we live very differently. I’d lived in my own house for 10 years and I’ve got into a routine and do things a certain way and it’s not the way mum does things. I’ve been conscious to not interfere in the way mum runs her house, and to also not get in her way. I’m only here for 6 months so I just need to keep myself to myself until it’s time to move out – that’s how I looked at it.
I was expecting to feel a bit down whilst I was living here because I knew that I’d feel restricted. Not because that’s how mum would make me feel, but because I knew it would be tough not being in my own place. But I think I underestimated how tough I would find it.
On top of the general feeling of not having my own place, I also need to save tons of money for the new house. And that has meant not going out, not buying myself anything new, and literally saving every penny possible. I definitely underestimated how tough that was going to be. I’m in a very fortunate position that I earn enough to live comfortably and so I’ve always been able to afford to buy myself something new if I’ve wanted it, or go out for dinner a couple of times a month or go to the cinema etc. I still earn the same amount of money, but the past 6 months I’ve spent the absolute bare minimum. I’ve barely gone out, I haven’t bought anything new unless it’s been for the house and I’ve accounted for literally every single penny. And whilst it sounds silly, that has actually been pretty tough. Obviously the reward is that I’ll have a lovely new house, but that doesn’t take away from how hard it’s been. I have a total appreciation for those who struggle financially and how mentally tough it is.
I’m also a planner. I’m the type of person who always needs to have something to look forward to and something to work towards. I’m generally really good with money and with organising stuff so once I’ve made my mind up to do something or go somewhere then I make plans for how I’m going to achieve it. And that’s what I’ve done with the house. But the difference is that I’m used to being able to plan months or even years in advance and have an idea on where I’m going to be and what I’m going to do.
This period of not having my own house is honestly like living in limbo. I can’t currently make plans for anything past moving in to the new house. And that’s because I don’t fully know what my financial position will be once I’ve moved in. I can’t book a holiday or a trip away because I need all the money for the house, and I can’t commit to paying for something else when I don’t know where my finances will be after moving in. I have an idea and I know I’ve budgeted for literally everything, but I guess you never quite know what might crop up!
Added to all of that, work has been super stressful and the weather has been terrible. This past winter has really felt like it’s gone on forever. I do wonder if I’ve got a warped perception of that because of everything else that’s going on though!
Now if I was reading all of that as an outsider I would think “god she sounds so miserable”. And to be honest you would be right in that interpretation! So what’s now changed to help me get my mojo back?
Well firstly, I know what month I’m moving into the new house. And that means there’s a light at the end of the tunnel in terms of having my own place again! And that’s a massive thumbs up for me because I have something to focus on now – an end point if you like. It’s amazing how getting that one bit of news about moving in May just lifted my spirits a huge amount.
The next thing is the sun came out! I like winter because I love being all cosy and snuggled at home, but I was definitely made for sun and warmth. And so when the sun and the heat arrived over last week it instantly lifted my mood. I do actually think I’ve got a fairly mild form of S.A.D . And I don’t even mean that as a joke. I think to some extent all humans probably have it so I’m sure I’m not alone!
And the third thing is that I went away for a few days to visit my Dad in Prague which was exactly what I needed to help me feel better as well. Being away from everything at home and all the miserable feelings was a breath of fresh air.
The weird thing about all of this is that I’ve actually kind of put myself in this position! It was my decision to sell my house and move out and buy a new build. It was my decision to buy the new build that I did meaning I’d have to wait several months. It was my decision to commit to buying a fairly expensive house and having to use all my money for it! But moving house was always in the not too distant future for me as I’ve wanted a bigger house for some time now. The timing and circumstances were all right and so it was the perfect opportunity for me. And the end result is that I will have the most beautiful new house that is stunningly perfect in every way. And so 6 months of misery is a small price to pay really.
Plus the summer is coming. That’s enough to make anyone feel a little cheerier! 😉
Much love! x